A Word on Rhett's Name

No longer your only association

I've gotten a few questions about how we chose Rhett's name (particularly his middle name, which is obviously unusual).

We chose the name Rhett VERY early in my pregnancy. As I've mentioned, I was pretty certain from early on that I was having a boy, and he just always "felt" like Rhett. We struggled a lot more with the girl name and changed our mind a few times, but Rhett was always Rhett. I had plenty of dreams about my little boy and his name was always right.

For his first name, we wanted something short, relatively uncommon, recognizable, and sounded strong and masculine. I can't recall where we got the name Rhett (I'm always so perplexed by this question). I don't remember where I first heard the name, though it HAD to be Gone with the Wind, right? But I don't remember the name leaving an impression on me after watching the movie or anything. We're not particularly big Gone with the Wind fans, though we're movie lovers and obviously the movie is great. The association doesn't bother us at all.

We struggled with middle names for a long time. We kept going back and forth on choosing something that sounds great (with the top contender being William in my mind) or something with meaning (my maiden name was a contender, but it sounds horrific with Rhett). In the end, I was sitting in church one day and thinking about my favorite bible stories and excerpts. I remembered how much I love the book of Philemon, and think it's really underrated. It's so rarely referenced. I absolutely love the story and the image of grace that God has for us in the relationship between Philemon, Paul and Onesimus. Onesimus is a runaway slave who meets Paul in jail. The book of Philemon is Paul's letter to his master (Philemon) asking that he be pardoned from his sentence. Paul takes on the full debt of Onesimus, even though Philemon already owes Paul money. I love the wording of this letter, and the image that we are all like Onesimus--undeserving of Christ paying our debt, but he did it anyway. And so... we chose Onesimus. I liked the way it sounded with Rhett and we were totally willing to go more outside the box on the middle name (cause seriously....do many people even use their middle name? I don't think so.)

And that's the story. In case anyone's interested, the girl name we had chosen was Pearl Evangeline. I don't know if we'll use it for a potential future sister for Rhett or not. Unlike Rhett's name, I always felt like I loved the name Pearl, but if she came out and wasn't a Pearl, I wouldn't be SHOCKED. So I could see us changing it, even though I adore it.

Getting Better

Rhett is getting better day by day. Yesterday he had his I.V. removed and he has kept his blood sugar up ever since. He gained a fantastic amount of weight yesterday and is now 4 lbs, 9 oz (six ounces up from his birth weight and nine up from his lowest weight). The doctor gave the okay to feed him more, so he's starting to get a full ounce at each feeding. His face is starting to look fuller and he's been alert and happy.

He is still working on finishing his bottles. Yesterday he would get about half of it down and then they would have to give him the rest from the feeding tube. I'm discouraged that he's not taking the full bottle, but he doesn't burn any calories when they use the tube, which makes him gain more weight. So I suppose it's for the best.

Josh is almost done with his work week. It will be a huge blessing when he has off next week and we can be together all the time. It's tough not having him here.

We are so blessed by all of the prayers, well wishes, gifts and cards that so many people have sent us. We can definitely feel love raining down on us an we really appreciate the love everyone is showing to our little son.

Looking at the camera

Grandma feeding Rhett

Probably Sneezing

Hanging in There

We're still hanging out at the hospital. We've gotten nothing but good news lately--Rhett was too hot in his incubator today, so they think they're going to take him out of there soon. His blood sugar shot up to over 100 last night, so they significantly decreased his I.V. and he should be coming off of that in the near future as well. He gained an ounce yesterday, which puts him two ounces over his birth weight at 4 pounds, 6 ounces.

Josh has been back to work this week. He's working the night shift, which is 70 hours this week, and then next week he'll be off. It's really, really difficult for him to work, catch up on some sleep and come back and forth from the hospital to visit Rhett. It's been stressful not being able to be together as a family. I'm clinging to the hope that we'll all get to be together and home next week (or soon...just soon would be wonderful!)

Things are going well. Being at the hospital still wears on me, but I can't stand to leave. I'm pumping milk around the clock for him, which has been going well. It's about the only thing I'm actually able to do for my son right now and it's been a huge blessing.

From what we've been able to tell so far--
Rhett likes: being swaddled, eating, sleeping on his belly (which he's allowed to do here because he's all hooked up to monitors), arching his back, looking at faces and being talked to

Rhett DOESN'T LIKE: his feet being touched, his diaper being wet, being passed around when he's content, his pacifier falling out of his mouth and not being able to see (they blind fold him when he's under the UV lights).

He's a very cute baby and doing very cute things. I love watching his face. He get hiccups after he eats and he has the cutest baby sneezes. His face already looks rounder and fuller than when he was born and his hair is a little bit thicker. It's crazy how fast he's changing!

That's the update for now, I'm going to try to remember to take my camera into the nursery more often. It's hard to get good pictures of him when he's attached to so many things, but I'm going to work on it. So I'll have new ones up soon.

Still in the Hospital

Well, we're still in the hospital. Rhett's hasn't been able to keep his blood sugar at the right levels, so they're working on it. Today they're running all kinds of blood work to see if they can figure out what the problem is. Last night they were up and down. Sometimes they're high and sometimes they're low. They're trying hard to fatten him up by fortifying my pumped milk and feeding him every two hours. He also has a feeding tube that gives him small amounts at all times.

I'm starting to struggle a lot with everything going on. I don't know if my postpartum hormones have picked up or if the exhaustion is playing a factor, but I can barely look at him without crying today. He has a feeding tube in his nose and his IV got switched to his head. I hate seeing him with so many wires and I hate that I can't comfort him when he cries. I just feel so helpless. There's very little I can do for him and it's just killing me.

Rhett seems to be in pretty good spirits though. He sleeps well and when he's awake he loves looking at us. His little forehead is always wrinkled as he takes in the world around him. I hate that all of his very first experiences will be in that nursery. I just want to badly for him to know how much we love him and how much we want him home with us. His nurse last night had to look up his name on her chart. It upset me that he's spending so much time with people that don't really know him and can't distinguish him from the hundreds of other babies they see.

I do get to stay at the hospital with him. My room is right next to the nursery, which is great. A typical day includes me pumping every two and half hours, and then sitting with him after I'm done. I've gotten to bottle feed him two or three times each day, which is nice. I like to talk to him and comfort him. We tell him that he'll be home soon and we talk about all of the family members he'll get to meet. I think I'm going to have Josh bring in some of his books from home so we can read to him. It would be a nice way to spend some time with him when he's in the incubator.

So...that's an emotional jumble of thoughts. I'm just very sad and hoping to hear good news very soon. He is gaining weight, last night he was at 4 lbs, 4.9 oz, which is up a little bit from his birth weight. They're also slowly turning down the heat in his incubator, which is a good sign. He's maintaing his body temperature well. I want to try and keep writing down my thoughts  as they come to me. Sorry if they're a little depressing for awhile!

I really hate these photos, cause I hate seeing him in that incubator, but I think some day I'll want to remember our first few days, so here they are:

Further Reflections on New Parenthood

Phew, the past 48 hours have been a blur! It's crazy to think it's only been two days since I was pregnant and had no idea who the little person was that was growing inside of me! I don't get a lot of hand's-free time, but I had a minute, so I thought I'd update.

Rhett is in the Special Care Nursery here at the hospital. It's not a NICU, but it is for babies that are having a little more trouble than average infans. He's doing really well. We're not sure when he'll be able to come home, but right now his goals are to regulate his temperature and take food properly. He's being weaned off of his I.V. today and we're giving him pumped breast milk. He's doing well with bottles, so I'm thinking that his feeding won't be an issue. Even if he can't breastfeed right away, I can pump for him with confidence that he'll do fine with eating.

They're slowly turning down the temperature in his incubator, and so far, he's doing fine with it. I'm hopeful that by the end of the night he'll be in a normal bed.

We haven't gotten a clear answer on whether or not he's going to need to stay here just to gain weight, and if so, how much he'll need to gain. He hasn't lost too much of his birthweight, so hopefully now that he's eating he'll put on some ounces really soon.

They are doing the billirubin test again tomorrow morning. They think he looks like he has a little jaundice, so he'll probably need some hours under the heat lamps for that.

So overall... he is doing well, getting stronger and better all the time, and I'm hopeful that he'll be home with us really soon. I'm getting discharged tomorrow, though I'm not sure what time. My recovery has been mostly ok. I'm in a lot more pain today than I was yesterday, which I didn't expect. I thought it would just keep getting better. But it hasn't been terrible.

Everything is harder emotionally than physically. Physically, I'm doing fine and Rhett is doing amazing. But it's hard to be away from him from so many hours a day and to not be the person in charge of his care-taking. I get really jealous of the nurses when they talk about his likes and dislikes. I freaked myself out on the internet yesterday by googling 'the first 24 hours of an infant's life". There was a lot there about how important it is to bond with your baby and how much they need breastmilk right away. It's been tough not getting to spend quality time with him. But I keep trying to remind myself that what's being done is for him and he needs it. I also keep telling myself that he'll be with us soon enough, and then he'll be all ours. Its tough, but we're blessed. I'm very aware that many, many parents and babies go through so much worse. We've spent the last few weeks being so worried about him and I'm so overjoyed that he's here and that he's going to be ok. I just miss him when I'm not with him and I hate that I can't cuddle him without his wires getting in the way. But SOON...very soon, our little son will be home with us where he belongs. We ARE blessed and I'm trying really hard to keep my emotions in
check.

Here's some photos of us from today:

The men in my life

Family of three!

He loves his paci

Post-Partum Hannah

Snuggled up with Mama

A couple photos!

Rhett Onesimus

Us Three!

Happy Birthday Rhett!

We have been blessed with a beautiful baby BOY! (I knew it! I knew it the WHOLE TIME!)

Rhett Onesimus was born at 6:30 p.m. on Thursday, April 19th via C-section. He weight 4 lbs, 3 oz and is 18 inches long.

I thought I'd try to write down his birth story while it's still fresh in my mind. So here it is!

We went in for our doctor's appointment yesterday around lunch time. I went back for an ultrasound. The tech. looked at the baby for a good half hour. When she went to make her notes, the first one was that baby was COMPLETE BREECH. I think at that point, Josh and I both knew that a C-section would be inevitable. I thought I would go in the next morning. The nurse who has been doing my non-stress tests was at lunch, so they told us at the office to go walk around somewhere and come back. Not long after we left, they called back and told me I wasn't to eat anything. So at that point, I was pretty sure I was going in for the C-section soon. They called back just a few minutes later and told me I'd be having the baby tonight!

As it turns out, I was low on fluids. Generally, this would just mean an induction but with the baby being  breech, I was scheduled for a C-section at 6:30.

Going home for a few hours was slightly tortuous. I tried to dishes and straighten up a bit. Josh kind of froze up and paced around the house a lot. Just as we were leaving for the hospital, I got a text that said the high way was closed. So we quickly looked up how to get there on back roads. It was a stressful drive--we were so jittery and wanting to make sure everything was ok!

When we got into triage, I got undressed and started on an I.V. This was a rough time of the day. We could hear the heartbeat, and it kept falling. At some point, a doctor rushed in and put a mask on me because the baby's heart rate was so low. I was pretty nervous for the baby. They kept saying it must be a boy, because boys are troublemakers! The anesthesiologist tried to come in and talk to me, but there were too many people gathered around me worried about the heartbeat, so he talked to Josh instead and then we ended up going into surgery a bit early.

Josh didn't get to come back to me until the spinal was in place and they were all ready to go. He says this was the worst part of the whole birth. I have heard, and I agree that as hard as childbirth is for a woman, I think it is just as hard for the men who love us. Getting a gigantic needle put in my back wasn't nearly as bad as standing outside and having no idea how my spouse and child were for ten minutes. I don't think I would have handled that well.

The spinal was what I was most nervous for, but it wasn't so bad. There was a wonderful nurse who held my hand and talked me through it. They said I did a good job. I got numb pretty quickly, and from there, I was pretty damn helpless. Josh came in and sat by my head. I could tell he was relieved to be back with me. I was unreasonably nervous that Josh would accidentally see over the curtain and freak out. I kept telling him to look at me.

I didn't even realize that they had started the surgery until the anesthesiologist said he could see feet. They went on with it and I honestly had no idea what was going on. At some point I heard that the cord was wrapped twice around the neck. The next thing I heard was that it was a boy, but I didn't really know if I heard and processed it right, so I asked a few times... "a boy?" I was so excited when it finally hit me that we had a son! I have always wanted a first-born son. (and I KNEW it. I did!). They didn't lift the baby over the curtain and show him to us, which I knew was a bad sign. I kept asking if he was ok, and the anesthesiologist said he was, but I couldn't quite believe him when I couldn't see or hear the baby. They finally told me that he had been having trouble breathing, but they had taken care of it and he was pink and alert. They wrapped him up and put a cute little hat on him and brought him over to see us.

He is so cute! He looks like a wrinkly old man. I couldn't move to touch him but they held him out to be for kisses. He gurgled and fussed, but didn't cry much. His sweet little voice warms my heart right up! He's the best!

After that, I got taken to a recovery room and Josh got to go see the baby in the nursery. I was jealous that I didn't get to go to, but glad that Josh was with Rhett. Josh came in after awhile and showed me some video and photos he had taken in the nursery. It was so awesome to seem him squirming around.

The nursery nurse came by and said that Rhett's blood sugar was too low (way too low actually. He's suposed to be at a 40 and was only at 15). So they had to keep him in the nursery. I was wheeled back after awhile and I got to hold him. It was extremely awkward, because I was still unable to move from the chest down and we were both covered in monitors and wires. But it was great to touch him, feel his weight on my chest and tell him that I loved him.

Recovery hasn't been as bad as I would have thought. I already feel much better than I did last night. I'm sore, but not nearly as sore as I would have thought. Being stuck in bed is much worse than the pain.

I was told that he was too far up in my ribs--the doctor had to make a very high incision in my uterus. Because of the type of incision, I will not be able to deliver vaginally, ever. So I'll need a C-section for any future children as well. I'm doing ok with that. It was nice to be done so quickly, and it will be nice to have a date set for the other births. It sucks that I can't be with him, and that I was so helpless in the whole process. Everything was really scary, and it didn't feel like a 'special day' as much as....it felt like surgery. But I feel so blessed to live in a time and place where I can have a safe delivery. Rhett is doing well, and I can't ask for much else!

So....SORRY this was long, and I might be adding to it later (or getting JOsh to add from his perspective). My breakfast just arrived, but as soon as I'm done, I'll get some pictures thrown up.

Delivery Day!

A quick update--we just finished up our normal monitoring appointment and were told that the Bee is completely breech and fluids are running low. The doctor said this is the sign she's been waiting for--they're going to go ahead and get Bee out tonight. It is now 2:45 in the afternoon and we have a C-section scheduled for 6:30. We'll be heading to the hospital in just a little over an hour to get my paperwork done and my I.V.'s going.

So in these final hours before parenthood we're feeling.....excited! nervous! jittery! I'm worried for the baby and praying that everything will go well and be happy and healthy. Josh is having a tough time putting his emotions into words, he's been doing a lot of pacing for the past hour and keeps trying to put more things in the car.

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers! By 7:00 eastern time, we should have our little Bumblebee out into the world!

Complications

Well, we went in for my doctor's appointment and ultrasound on Tuesday and got some bad news. The baby was diagnosed with Intrauterine Growth Disruption, which basically means that it's growth stopped or severely slowed at some point. It's measuring at just 3 lbs, 9oz right now. All of the organs are fully developed, he's just really small. (and no! even though we had another ultrasound, we did not find out the sex. I'm still referring to the baby as 'he' because I like it more than 'it!')

Basically the risks are that the uterus is a stressful place for such a little baby. I'm going in for monitoring regularly now and they could induce me or order a c-section at any time. The monitoring isn't so bad--I wear two belts around my belly and they have to track movements and heartbeat at the same time. As long as the baby's heartbeat is going up when he moves, he's doing alright in there.  The scariest times are in between doctor's visits--I have the fear that the baby will go into distress and I won't know about it until it's too late. I'm trying to not over-obsess with kick counts, but it's hard. The baby has been moving a lot, but any time he's not, I worry.

After the baby is born the biggest concerns are a weaker immune system, trouble regulating temperature and trouble eating. The hospital will probably keep the baby for awhile until in gains enough weight and we know that it can eat/breath/maintain temperature on his own. My doctor doesn't think it'll be safe to go longer than next Friday. I'm hoping that he'll gain a good amount by then so we can take him home soon.

Everything I'm reading and hearing is assuring me that the baby should be perfectly healthy, just really tiny. I'm disappointed that things won't be how I envisioned them (breastfeeding will most likely be a challenge...I probably won't get to hold Bee right away after he's born....I could need a C-section). But more than anything, I want a healthy baby. It's awful to hear that there's something different or wrong with your unborn child and I've been really scared for the past few days, and things just feel different. I don't care anymore about pain during delivery or recovery after a c-section--I really just want Bee to be here and to know that he's going to be ok. That's not really a realistic goal for ANY parent though--no one ever knows that their child is going to stay safe and healthy. This is a challenge that we'll have to get through and scary time--but I have every confidence that God is good and it is all in his hands. We have been so blessed by the Bee presence in our lives already and we know that we will continue to be blessed, no matter what. 

Prayers for the next two weeks are much appreciated!

Full Term!

Well folks, as of Friday I am officially full term--37 weeks! I had my 37 week appointment on Tuesday, and found out I'm GBS positive, which was kind of a bummer. I was hoping to be able to mostly labor at home, but now I'll have to get to the hospital for antibiotics pretty quickly. I COULD go in when labor starts and get the meds, then come back every four hours to get more, but that just seems like more trouble than it's worth.

The doctor also wants to check on the baby's size--she thought that it felt a little small (simply from feeling around on the outside of my belly). She also said she thought it was about six pounds, which doesn't sound 'too small' to me for 37 weeks, but what do I know? We're having an u/s this week that will serve the dual purpose of getting an estimate on size, and checking the position of the baby.  I'm excited to see the Bee again!

I'm much more at peace with my coming due date. Up until about a week ago the 27th seemed faaaar away. But I was also anxious because I didn't feel completely 'ready' if the baby were to come on any given day. Now, I'm feeling good. If the baby came today, I'm comfortable with that. And if the baby comes three weeks from now, I'm good with that too. I'm sure if I go past my due date, I'll be itching for Bee to come out, but it feels good to be satisfied right now

Physically, I'm feeling pretty good! I've gained a total of 34 pounds so far, which isn't too terrible. I think I'll definitely stay under by goal of 40.  I'm still sleeping well and I haven't been too sore or irritable (which probably contributes to my chipper attitude of this pregnancy lasting another three weeks). I know a fair few women who were MISERABLE by 37 weeks, so I'm feeling very blessed. My parents are swinging by tomorrow on their way home from visiting my grandparents for Easter. I've got a few projects that they'll be helping me with in their brief stay ;)

My hospital bags are mostly packed, except for the things I use daily that I'll want with me. I need to make of list of all the last-minute items I'll need to pack...I would hate to forget something and make Josh come back (or go without).

I'll try to come up with some interesting things to post about in the next couple of weeks, but I can't promise anything. I think most people know that these last few weeks of just waiting around can be pretty dull. We're spending a lot of time being lazy while we still can. It's pretty unbelievable how much our lives are about to change!